Going Down With a Frown?

Warning: The following information is explicit and may offend some readers.

Q: I’m hoping you’ll have some great advice for me regarding a very sensitive issue. I’m extremely sexual, but I have a strong aversion to performing oral sex on my girlfriend. She loves going down on me, but I just can’t seem to return the favor without feeling sick to my stomach. Is there something wrong with me? She’s mentioned how much she loves it, and I’m afraid I might lose her if I don’t start giving her what she wants sexually. Do you think I can completely satisfy her sexually if I don’t ever go down on her? If not, can you please give me some pointers on how to eat pussy properly’and without getting nauseated?

A: Lately I’ve received a lot of questions from men about cunnilingus, or eating pussy. Some of the guys ask how to be better at it, ways to make their lovers melt (kudos to you guys!), and others want to know if it’s really necessary to please a woman. Necessary? No. A good idea? Yes! Look at it this way: How do you feel about your girlfriend giving you head? Don’t you love how her talented tongue licks your balls and provokes your rigid shaft? Can you ever get enough of her soft, wet, warm mouth enveloping your pulsating head and applying firm pressure with the back of her tongue as she sucks her lips off? Are blowjobs necessary? No. But they sure are a damn good idea, huh?

Men (actually I should refer to them as boys) who are skittish about kissing kitty don’t seem to understand how important it is to engage in as many sex acts as you and your partner are comfortable with in order to keep the fires of desire stoked. So you say you aren’t comfortable with heading down south on your lover? Do you feel turned off by the smell and/or taste of your lover’s vagina? I hope she practices meticulous feminine hygiene and is up to speed on the benefits of shaving her genitalia (see the March ’02 installment of Sex-Rx). Barring the fact that she may have some sort of vaginitis or yeast infection, a woman’s vaginal scent and flavor are uniquely her own. If you really want to please the woman you are sexually involved with, you should learn how to acquire a taste for her. Begin by visualizing her vagina as a blooming flower. Her lips are the supple, fragrant petals, and her clit is the cocked stamen. Her moistness, created by having your face so close to her precious flower, is the sugary nectar that will kindle immeasurable pleasure for you as you lick, suck and swallow her completely and eagerly. Her whimpers of delight whet your appetite and prompt you to hungrily probe your tongue deep inside her. As she begins to rub her blossoming bud on your face, you move to her stamen to softly suck it and roll it around with your tongue until she bucks and moans with ravished gratification for as long as you continue.

That description should help you get excited about performing oral sex on your lady. At least give it a shot while you take a shower together. Many men say that they prefer to have water running over the vagina during oral sex. Bottom line: Eat pussy, don’t be one! Here are a few lines from Madonna’s ‘Where Life Begins’ for you to savor:

‘Won’t you go down where it’s warm inside? Where I cannot hide? Where all life begins? That’s where my love is. Now what could be better than a home-cooked meal? How you want to eat it depends on how you feel. You can eat all you want and you won’t get fat; now, where else can you go for a meal like that? It’s not fair to be selfish or stingy; every girl should experience eating out.’ Amen, sister!

Editor’s note: Laura Moore is IRONMAN’s resident sexpert, a science writer for Penthouse, the host of the radio talk show ‘The Health Nuts’ and the author of Sex Heals. Send your questions and comments to her at thefitdiva.com.