Meeting, Dating and Mating

Q: Like most guys I’m looking for the perfect lady. The best place I’ve found so far for meeting women to date is nightclubs. The problem with that is, most of those girls seem like players’I haven’t met anyone I would want to bring home to meet Mom, if you know what I mean. I’m hoping you can offer some ideas on how to weed out the undesirables and focus on the ladies who are more genuine. Also, where else can I go to meet decent girls?

A: Nightclubs really do seem to be catch-22s when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. On one hand, these rockin’ fun houses offer a wide variety of potential mates to choose from’which gives you better odds. On the other hand, clubs can seem like dens of iniquity if you’re looking for a true-blue lover rather than a quick hookup. What’s a guy to do?

First of all, let’s make sure that you are the ‘king of the castle’ no matter what type of establishment you walk into. If you recall from my past Sex-Rx columns, I constantly try to teach IM readers that the sexiest characteristic anyone can possess is confidence. When you exude self-confidence and self-respect, others will respect you as well. That’s especially true with the fairer sex. I’ve been turned on more by average-looking guys with great senses of humor who are brimming with confidence than by insecure beefcakes. And when women believe you to be ‘the shit,’ you’re less likely to be played, per se. So confidence is the first key to weeding out the undesirables. Here are some great tips on building your self-esteem and self-image in the club scene:

As soon as you walk into the club, you should have a smile on your face. Not a big cheesy grin, but more of a friendly half-smile. Remember to watch your posture too. No slouching! Do a quick glance over the crowd, but don’t make eye contact for longer than a second or two. Your night has just begun, so there’s no need to rush into meeting anyone just yet. When a lady catches your eye, make sure she’s looking at you, and then wave to some imaginary friends behind her. As you walk that way, you can give her a quick ‘Hi!’ and a friendly smile. If she stops you to talk, chat for a few seconds and then say, ‘I’d love to talk more, but I’ve got to say hi to some friends. I’ll be right back.’ Make your rounds and then head back her way’making sure you stop and talk to a few folks before you return.

Another great way to make yourself seem like the life of the party is to say quick hellos to the bartender and DJ as if you two are lifelong friends. (But only if you are in a big, ritzy club. You don’t want the ladies to think you’re a regular at a local dive.) When you walk up to the bar, call the bartender by his or her name and start a little small talk. Any self-respecting, tip-groping bartender will respond in kind. After you get your libation and scope the scene a bit, walk up to the DJ booth and give him a cool handshake and act as if you’re catching up on things. In reality, you’ll be requesting some specific tunes.

Now that you have a head start in wowing the babes with your confidence, it will be much easier to avoid the women who prey on weaker men. The women who will be drawn to you now will be more of the genuine type; however, no plan is completely flawless. Even if you’re the most confident guy in a nightclub, you could still come across a player or two’probably more.

Let’s face it: Nightclubs are really more for one-night stands than long-term relationships. I’ve known people who have gotten lucky in the love department at nightclubs, but more often than not providence will smile on you when you become involved in group events that cater to your passions and hobbies. Do you like to cook? Gourmet markets can be a great place to find dates. Are you a runner or biker? Join a club for these activities and/or enter races. What about painting, dancing, traveling? Many organizations do very well in getting like minds together. And what better way to meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with than by spending time with people who share your interests? You can probably find many girls whose interests are similar to yours right in your own gym. Don’t miss the forest because of all the trees.

‘Laura Moore Editor’s note: Laura Moore is IRONMAN’s resident sexpert, a science writer for Penthouse, the host of the radio talk show ‘The Health Nuts’ and the author of Sex Heals, now available for $24.95 by calling 1-800-447-0008. Send your questions and comments to her at thefitdiva.com.